Yesterday I didn’t feel so well. For some reason my mind keeps going back to the day of my surgery sometimes. That was quite a day. I know that sometimes I can’t shut up about how I have spent almost a week in the hospital, but I am not sure if I am completely over that already. There were some tears in my eyes last night when I talked about the memories of my weightloss surgery.
The scariest part of all this was the anesthesia. I had no idea what to expect of that. I mean, yes, you fall ‘asleep’ rather quickly. That’s what they had told me and it was true. Nobody had warned me about the part where you wake up. It was nothing like waking up after a normal kind of sleep. I didn’t feel well. It was like a the nightmares I have sometimes where I can’t see much and can’t really move but I would like to scream. Only this time it was for real. I remember waking up several times. I saw a clock that kept speeding forward. There was a guy telling me to wake up and asking me if I was in any pain. He also told me I already got too many painkillers already when I asked for more. He said that I shouldn’t be in this much pain, which scared me as I know that I can handle pain very well normally. I remember feeling the blood pressure monitor on my arm a couple of times, thought I don’t remember if it was there all the time or if they would put it on again when it was time. I know that this lasted for a couple of hours before they finally got me back to the ward on the fifth floor.
I wasn’t awake when they brought me back to the ward. I don’t remember the ride on the elevator. I do however remember that my parents were there, waiting for me. That my mother was crying. Then in what felt like 5 minutes later (which is probably more like 2 hours later) my family and Huib came to see me during the visiting hour. I mostly just remember hearing their voices. That was comforting. I knew someone was there. Still I could not wake up properly. I must have said a few words, or smiled at them, but I am not sure. I do know from pictures they’ve taken that I wasn’t doing so well that night.
It took me many hours to wake up. When it was 11 pm I had to pee so bad. That was when I had the feeling that I was actually waking up. Guess what? At that point it was time for me to fall asleep. I couldn’t sleep that night as I was in so much pain. Yeah, that didn’t really help. I didn’t sleep the first three nights at the hospital even though I was tired. Apparently my body was under the impression that I had gotten enough sleep during the first day.
I really do hope that this will get better one day. That I can look back at this experience without being scared. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I am really happy that I have done this for myself. Just the thought of ever having to go back to a hospital for another surgery scares me so much. Especially now with these gall bladder attacks or when someone asks me if I am thinking about getting the excess skin removed. It frightens me. I don’t want to think of this and yet I can’t seem to avoid it.
To the people who know me in real life, I would like to ask you to bear with me here. I know that it seems to be all I can talk about some days, but I can’t help it. I need to get this out of my system.
Yes, I have read The Mortal Instruments. No, I am not referring to shadowhunters, werewolves and vampires today. What I am trying to say is that it’s actually true that once you start leading an active life, it will become easier every day. If you would have told me this six months ago, I would have laughed at you. I was pretty sure that my gastric bypass surgery would not change my lazy personality. After all I have always loved being inside, reading books and writing. I know that I was more active during my teenage years than I was in the past ten years, but somehow it felt like that active girl wasn’t the real me. I was wrong.
I am five months (and four days) post op from my gastric bypass surgery and I actually need to go outside at least once a day. Otherwise I get restless. I need to walk or cycle in order to clear my head and get more energy. So exercise has become part of my daily routine. How did that happen? I hardly noticed this change myself and yet it’s obviously there. I am surprising everyone around me, including my boyfriend Huib. The funniest thing that has happened so far was that he asked me to slow down a bit, because I was walking too fast. I turned around and told him he was slow then, because that used to be my line whenever we were walking together. Am I actually speeding up here? I never thought that could happen.
What I think happened is that I promised our exercise coach at the clinic that I would go outside every day, even if I didn’t want to. I was supposed to walk for maybe five minutes or until I wanted to go back. So that’s what I did. I started by walking to the supermarket once a day, just to walk those 200 meters there and back again. After a while I started to take little detours or walked to the city center by myself. I was surprised that it wasn’t that far away from where I live. I mean, I knew that in theory, but still it felt like it was a long walk. Now that I am more active I have noticed that sometimes I feel tired and before I know it, I have put on my shoes and I am standing outside. Feeling a lot better and ready to work again when I come back. In the old days I would have taken a nap. Believe me, I still do that sometimes, but most of the times going for a walk works just as well, or maybe even better.
So what’s the point of this story? If you want to get more active, just go out and do it. It will get better, it will get easier, but you have to start somewhere. And you have to do it now, or you will never start. Because, let’s face it, we all love being a little lazy every now and then. That’s why I really love the quote on the pictures, because it is so true. “There are seven days in a week and someday isn’t one of them!”
Weight lost: 32,2 kilo (71 lbs)
This morning I hopped on the scale and got a pleasant surprise. The numbers dropped with 0,8 kilo and that meant that I had reached a new milestone in this weight loss journey. My BMI is lower than 40 now. I did a little happy dance, because this means so much to me! First of all it means that I went from ‘obese class III’ to ‘class II’. My weight is no longer ‘morbid obese’ and that is a big relief! A BMI lower than 40 also means that I would no longer qualify for gastric bypass surgery. Okay, I’ve had the surgery already, but it still sounds amazing to me. This is a big win and I am going to be happy today.