About a yellow rope and gaining one kilo

Every three weeks we’re meeting for group sessions at the Obesity Clinic with our support group. Today was one of those days. We had a session with both the psychologist and our physical exercise coach. Besides that it was time for another weigh-in.

The weigh-in was a bit silly. Of course I am not losing weight now that I am pregnant. They have told me not to lose any weight and other than that I haven’t gotten any tips and tricks on how to do that. Of course they have told me what kind of foods I should or shouldn’t eat, but that was about it. So I stepped on the scale. I had gained one kilo since January, which wasn’t so crazy. I mean, that baby inside me is growing like crazy and I am nearly 25 weeks pregnant, so it seems kind of normal. Well, apparantly it wasn’t. Suddenly it was like “You should gain more, this isn’t good for your baby!” Well, newsflash, I have been eating like ten times a day since I am pregnant, and the weight doesn’t stick. I don’t mind. I am healthy, the baby has a perfectly average size and weight for his age and we are both doing fine. It feels like there is no way to get it right with them, so I guess I shouldn’t let them get to me. It is driving me insane though.

red yellow and blueIn one of the sessions we have been working on an exercise on how we see ourselves at the moment. We all got to work with three ropes. A red one to show how big you THINK your waist is. A blue one to show what size you would like to have at the end of your weightloss journey and last but not least there was yellow. With the yellow rope we had to measure ourselves and then see if we were right about the red rope, or if things were different. Of course they were different. We all made the red rope too big. It is funny how our brain plays games with us like that. In my case we played the game a little different by the way. Red was what I thought I would be right now and blue what I would have been if I would not have the baby bump. Guess what? I am probably there already, without the bump, or maybe my waist is even smaller. That was a good sign, because I have been feeling kind of fat lately. I do have the bump on the front, but not the old fat at my back. So it is not as bad as it used to be. I need to remember that this is the baby I am carrying and not me falling back into my old patterns.

So let’s see what I will learn when I go back there in three weeks. I guess there are still things to learn from each other. This journey isn’t over, for sure.

Friday weigh in

Weight lost: 42 kilo (92,8 lbs)

This week I had to be at the Obesity Clinic in Amsterdam for a weigh in and a morning with my support group. It feels a bit useless to weigh myself now that I am pregnant, especially since I am not allowed to lose weight. On the other hand the doctor wants to keep an eye on me. My last weigh in must have been months ago, so I did lose 15 kilo since I have been on the scale there. It still felt good.

Besides seeing the doctor, we also had a group meeting with our psychologist and the dietitian. We have been talking about our food goals and the crazy thought we might still have about ourselves and our weight loss. This week I had a bit of a break through on my own, so that was something I shared with the group. I am finally learning that I can just say ‘thank you’ when I get a compliment on my weight loss, instead of saying that I wanted to lose more or that it was only X kilo since I last saw that person. No, I have lost 42 kilo in 9 months and I am allowed to be proud of myself. I am pretty sure that there will be days that I am not so proud, but the fact that I am aware of this feels good.

I also told my group about my non-scale victories and how happy those make me. When I am not losing weight, I do try to look at what I have achieved beside the numbers and that makes me happier. The psychologist said that was a very good tip. To be honest I really think that I became more relaxed in the past couple of months. Yes, I wanted to reach my goal weight in 18 months. No, that is not going to happen now. That’s life. I am much healthier and prettier than I was one year ago and I love my new life! How is that not important? So yes, I am going to be proud of myself and I am going to be happy that I have done this for myself.

An appointment with my dietitian

This morning it was time for me to drive to the hospital in Amsterdam to meet with my dietitian. It was a group meeting, but since the group was divided in two parts for this meeting, there were only four of us. It was really good to see them though. I hardly recognized one of the women, because I didn’t see her since the beginning of May. Wow! She looked amazing.

Last time I saw the dietitian I wasn’t feeling very well. I was only two weeks post op and I could hardly eat back then. My hemoglobin levels were really low then and my face was as white as a sheet. She mentioned today that I have more color on my cheeks and that I look better. Things are good actually. I can eat five to six times a day without getting sick. I make sure that I am eating my proteins first. I avoid sugar when I can. I am taking my vitamins and I am most certainly trying to make healthy choices. It is a massive change of lifestyle already.

We have to come back to the hospital for group meetings at the end of October, so until then I am going to try to lose as much weight as I can. Especially because we will have a weigh-in that day. My goal was to hit -40 kilo before that day and I am not entirely sure if I can lose that much in the next six weeks. Still got about nine kilos to go before I make it to that goal. At least I know what I want and I will go for it. That’s for sure.

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